At the end of the road there is a bridge

We lost our baby yesterday. It’s surreal, raw, and completely overwhelming. She was an amazing soul and will be missed dearly. The tumor was very aggressive and caused a rapid decline in her health over the last two weeks. In the end, her right gluteus maximus was very swollen from the tumor, to the point where is was affecting her ability to defecate and urinate, and she had a very hard time getting around or lying on her right side. She held strong until the last few hours and gave us everything she could. As always, she handled things the only way she knew how, like a warrior, strong and stoic. We made the decision to end her life so that she could die with dignity yesterday afternoon at our house. She was surrounded by her family and died peacefully. It was the right decision at the right time, I know that in my heart. We love you Osa. We will see you again at the rainbow bridge my sweet sweet girl!

This experience was, is, and will continue to be so hard, so painful emotionally. I wish I knew what I know now before her diagnosis. Here are the things that I hope may help others in this situation.

1. You know your animal better than anyone – If something seems to not be right, force the issue. Three weeks before Osa’s diagnosis, our vet told us she thought the limp was probably due to her tweaking her (TPLO repaired) knee, even though we said we thought it was her hip. Trust your instincts and make your voice heard.
2. Don’t be afraid to ask for help and advice – We found a lot of people who were so very generous with their time, advice, and even donations or discounts on medicine, treats, and other products. Vets, people who owned medicinal companies, and other dog owners who never expected anything in return. There are passionate animal lovers out there who are trying to cure cancer, or who just want to help you and your animal through these tough times. Ask them for help.
3. Try to be in the moment – It’s very hard to deal with this devastating disease. There are stories out there of dogs beating cancer, but in the end, make sure that you are there for your best friend every moment that you can be.
4. Make informed decisions that you feel good about – Make sure you are focused and educated on what the options are and don’t get forced into anything you don’t understand or aren’t comfortable with. Like I said, YOU know your animal and your situation better than any “expert” does. Make sure you understand any procedures and the possible outcomes before you have them done. Do your research and ask questions, ask questions, ask questions, so that there are no bad surprises. Things move fast and can be overwhelming to think about and deal with. Medical procedures can be very invasive and expensive, some of them are irreversible. They are not always the best course of action. Know exactly what you want to gain at every step of the process and weigh the likelihood of that gain against the potential risks and side effects.
5. Move Fast – Their toughness tends to be their downfall. Osa was tough as nails, so by the time she showed us signs of her pain, the tumor was already very advanced. From what I’ve learned, that is the case most of the time, especially with bone cancer. MOVE FAST if you want to try and beat cancer with an amputation or other surgery. Clinics and labs are likely not going to move as fast as you want them to…again, force the issue. Absolutely nobody cares for your dog as much as you do. Ask them to stay late, ask them to come in on their day off, the worst they can say is no. If they say no, look around for other avenues.
6. Don’t look back – Believe me, this is hard. Hindsight is 20/20. I can’t help but wonder what would have happened if we had forced the issue and been 4 weeks ahead of where we were when we received the diganosis. In the end, this is a recipe for heartache, blame, and guilt. I am at peace with our situation, I know that we did everything we could, and we made the right decisions for Osa and our family. Did we make mistakes? Probably. I wish with all of my heart that it had turned out differently, but it didn’t, and there’s nothing I can do about it. Blaming yourself for not doing things differently will not help heal or bring back your buddy.

Thank you to all of the wonderful people here who have had kind words for me. Writing and sharing this experience has certainly helped me cope with this journey. Please do not hesitate to reach out if you have questions or want advice. After the CT scan ruled out surgery, we took a holistic treatment route, including acupuncture, Chinese herbs, and cannabis (which really did help make her comfortable, and has shown potential of acting like a natural chemo alternative) and did countless hours of research. I will end this with a picture of our sweet girl on her last day, enjoying a trip to the park with her mom, brother, and I. It was a beautiful moment, one that I will always cherish. To the bridge my love!